Blackness- Disturbing silence- Still as death. This life is such a puzzle; it is such a long and horrible journey. Light, illumination, is there nothing to cut this gloom? Misery is my companion, despair my best friend. Oh, dear God, please send me a reprieve? Allow me to escape this lifeless existence?
Mindlessly wandering with nary a path to follow; meandering throughout endless time and distance—even my breath evades me—I fear I cannot catch it.
Is it night? No, maybe it’s daytime? There is no difference in my shadowy world, no way to decipher time. Climbing upwards, I scramble the face of a cliff; surely there is something beyond the misty walls of my unseen prison.
Upward and onward, gasping and panting. The rocks tear at my fingernails and break them loose, blood drips from my fingers making even harder my ascent. Feet slipping and sliding, I crawl to the top. Finally, I am there. I can open my eyes and enjoy the view!
Slowly, I lift my eyes. Almost frightened to see the world that I know must lie out there somewhere? My eyes drift slowly up and a huge sigh escapes my chest. Nothing, absolutely nothing lies before my eyes. I study the rocky crag on which I am perched. It appears almost two-dimensional; cold, hard and void of color.
Easing back, I lean against the ledge behind me. I feel the coldness and emptiness creeping higher and higher in my soul. Silently, I study my lifeless world. A gray mist fills the air; actually—well, I cannot say for sure—it seems to be air. My tortured lungs struggle to take in life sustaining air and I ache from the lack thereof.
My mind reels from the vastness of the emptiness before me. Beyond comprehension, is this endless eternity of nothingness? In the gloom of the ever present shadows, I sense no other life around me. I am surrounded by death and pray for its orgasmic release.
The stillness and its accompanying silence invade my spirit and leave me feeling inanimate. Suffocating is the heavy blanket of loneliness that envelopes me. Were there a path top follow, I would know that this misery has an end. I find no path. I find no end.
Tortured soul, scurrying for release, I pray and dream of deaths sweet peace. Shuddering from the cold, realizing that its the coldness within that is chilling my bones and not the cold outside. There is no temperature in my world. Nothing changes; there is naught to stimulate the senses.
With abject horror, I realize the possibilities. This might very well BE my eternity. THIS might be my life! Oh, GOD! Terror attacks my heart; I feel it convulsing and racing and my spirits SOAR!
Mayhap, there IS an end to this nightmare, maybe it will come soon. MAYBE it is coming NOW! PLEASE?
I drop to my knees and pray, but scream in silent anger for I feel not deaths sweet release. No exit to mercifully carry me to freedom, no escape can I find from this existence.
Sheer and utter horror overwhelms me, maybe there IS no end!
“Maybe this pain and misery will go on forever,” My tortured soul whimpers and whines.
I melt into a puddle of despair and dream silent dreams of deaths sweet reprieve.
©2015 J.L. Day